Monday, March 16, 2015

A Letter to My Son on His Fourth Birthday

My sweet Kyler,

Last week, the first signs of Spring finally came forth and we all ran gleefully outside to enjoy every moment of warmth we could. We were like caged animals, desperate for the expanse and freshness of the great outdoors. We went on bike rides, splashed in puddles, took long walks and threw your baseball in the backyard. 

You suggested a hike and so off to the park we went. On this first nature walk of the season, you and Havyn collected endless handfuls of acorns, rocks, feathers, shells and dandelions. You proudly brought your collections to each other and to me, offering them as gifts of love.

Later that day, as we sat together for lunch, I asked you which treasure was your favorite. You said the acorns Havyn had given to you were the most special, and Havyn liked the four black feathers she had gathered the best. Then I thought out loud, "Hmm, which treasure is my favorite?"

You smiled and tilted your head, as though I was asking a trick question. I couldn't figure out what the joke was, until you confidently answered my own question for me, "Mom, it's me & Havy!"
Oh my sweet boy, I hope you will always be that confident in what a treasure you are, in how priceless and valuable and beautiful your soul is. You are right, Kyler. You are my favorite treasure. 

Watching you grow and mature into the playful, kind, hilarious little boy that you are today has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. Building Lego's, playing swords, racing around the house and watching your newest Youtube video-crush are moments that I would not trade for anything in the world. 

And yet, sometimes I worry that in the busyness of life - in the pressures of owning my own business and the passion of telling my story, the pursuit of authentic friendship and the pull toward a million household chores - you will begin to wonder if you are enough. You may begin to wonder if you are interesting enough or important enough or valuable enough. You may see my distraction or my pursuit of other goals as a reflection of something less-desirable in you. 
Oh my sweet boy, please be confident in this: You are enough. You are my favorite treasure.

Sometimes mama will lose my temper and daddy will be too busy with work to play. Sometimes sissy will want to play a "Girls Only" game and friends will get sick and miss your long-awaited play date. And sometimes, neighbors or classmates or strangers you've never even met, will say hurtful things to you - they will criticize your kindness, mock your sensitivity, downplay your creativity. This all may make you wonder if there is something wrong with you, if you should be less like you and more like them. 
Oh my sweet boy, please be confident in this: Your kindness is beautiful. You are perfect simply as you. And always, always, you will be my favorite treasure. 
Happy Birthday, Kyler!


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