Thursday, January 24, 2013

SAHM, I am


Well, I did it.  I resigned from my full time job today and will soon be transitioning into the wonderful, hectic, sometimes absurd, but always worth it world of being a stay at home mom (SAHM). 

It's been a while in coming...every time I'd take one step forward, emotionally, mentally or logistically, I, someone or something seemed to push me two steps back. I would cry on the drive home from work because I missed the kids so much, but then I'd run the numbers that evening and not see a way out. I'd decide that no matter how tight or stressful it may be, getting to be with the kids everyday is worth it, but then I'd panic about the unknown and not follow through with a resignation.

There have been lots and lots of "what if..." and "if only..." days in the past year. It's been one of the very rare instances in my life when I've made an extremely slow, calculated decision. (Not that I'm not normally thoughtful, but I've honestly analyzed the hell out of this one!) I weighed every possible pro and con and frankly, just sat on what became an obvious decision for a few months. 

Then, finally, I got tired of {waiting}. Waiting for the numbers to work out. Waiting for an easy answer to appear. Waiting for the ideal situation and timing to present itself. Waiting for someone else to decide for me.  Waiting, waiting...why? 

I finally had to ask myself, what am I waiting for?! Days become weeks, weeks become months, months turn into years and now we are about to celebrate my baby girl's first birthday and my son's second. It all just goes by sooo fast and is not worth spending any of it {waiting}. 

This "seize the day" mindset is actually what resulted in us having children in the first place. After an 8 month foster-adopt situation crashed in around us three years ago, we were forced to relinquish our relatively new role as mommy and daddy and give the child back. My heart was totally broken and emptied through that experience. It felt so unnatural not to be someone's mama. After looking into a couple adoption alternatives, we decided to go the old-fashioned route and have our own children. I just couldn't bare the thought of another long, heart-breaking {wait}.

In only two months, we were pregnant with our amazing son, Kyler. I was a mama and my heart started to beat again. Little did we know that two months after his birth, we'd be pregnant again with his little sister, Havyn. Mama x2. Doesn't get much better!


But life takes money and money takes work and after each maternity leave I returned to my fulltime job with lots of mixed emotions. Until today. Today I decided to stop waiting and will deal with the consequences as they come. Money will be extremely tight and we're going to have to say "no" to lots of extras. I may become unhirable or out-of-touch. There will be the usual stress and exhaustion, but there will also be a deep knowing that this is where I am supposed to be. With my kids, helping them learn and grow and experiencing this crazy world together. Just being a mama.

SAHM, I am.

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5 comments:

  1. Congrats and good luck! Being a SAHM takes a lot of sacrifice as I'm sure you know. I think you'll do.great and at the end....missing out on the extras will have been worth it.

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  2. Noelle, I am so very happy for you. I, too, made that decision years ago when Nathan was 3 months old. I have never regretted it and I realized that God could still use the gifts he instilled in me in multiple other ways while being a stay at home mom. If you ever need any encouragement, know that I am here to cheer you on! (and I love the SAHM, I am!)

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  3. Thanks, ladies!! I'm excited for the journey ahead!

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  4. You will def. not become unhirable; I'd hire you in a heartbeat. I'm admire your decision to stop waiting and seize the day. I did the same thing 3 years and it was never a regret. We cut out all the extras and were probably upside down a few months but being home with the kids made it worth it. I just returned back to work in December and while the transition to working outside of the home was a little easier (kids are 3 years old!) it was still hard. Good for you Noelle and best of luck!!!

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  5. Hey Noelle. :)

    I don't think we ever talked about this while working together, but I want to be a SAHM myself someday. I'm really inspired by your choice and how candidly you talk about it here on your blog!

    Thank you so much for sharing a really {real} picture of what this decision looks like.

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